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Tuesday, 12 November 2013

Life Behind the Veil

There has been a lot of press about burkas recently and the question about whether women should be allowed to wear them and whether they oppress and diminish the wearer?

I am not going to give an opinion here, but I am interested in exploring how the wearing of this garment might impact everyday life.

Bad hair day? Who gives a monkeys! I can go days or weeks without shaving my legs in the winter, when I know no-one will see them, so if I wore a burka, I needn't wash my hair for days. Excellent! Nor would I need to have my eyebrows plucked or bleach my 'tache.  Sounds pretty good doesn't it! The only drawback is that 'the eyes have it' so I couldn't get away without eyeliner and mascara.  What a bummer if your eyes are your worst feature!

So how would you get noticed in a burka?  You can't cinch them in to show a narrow waist or tailor them to show your stella hourglass figure. You can't show off your killer heels.  So how?  Perfume? Or would you go with your natural scent as everyone else will have slooshed the Chanel No.5 as well.

And what about internet dating.

It is hard enough navigating through the rough waters of internet dating without the added difficulty that you don't know what your potential dates look like.

Now that's not easy is it! 
And if you do secure a first date, how will your date recognise you? "Oh, I will be wearing.....' doesn't quite cut it does it.   Wearing a carnation might help, but not if there are other first daters at the same venue!  

As the dates pass by we would surely have a few additional 'bases' that have to be reached:

1st base: Seeing her nose
2nd base: Seeing her mouth
3rd base: Seeing and maybe nibbling her ears....steady.....
43rd base and 2 years on.....About bloody time....


How do they cope with policing in countries where the burka is commonly worn?  

Police interview:
 "Can you describe the woman you saw?" 
 "She was about 5'3" but I couldn't see if she was wearing heels or not."
"Anything else?"
"She had brown eyes." 

At the debriefing a few days later the sergeant is asked how many suspects they have. 8467 is the answer.

What an easy job being a photofit artist! 

And what about an identity parade.

This was a line up to try and identify a woman accused of stealing from a man after performing in front of him at a pole dancing club!

I don't know at what age girls start wearing burkas, but how do you keep track of which one's yours in the playground?  Imagine the gallery of school photos. "My! look how you've changed.  I hardly recognised you!"

And the school class photo!
"Oh, I've spotted you! Back row 3rd from the left"
"Oh, of course it isn't. You are bang in the middle at the front."
"Middle row?"
"Ok, I give up."
"I was sick that day remember."
"Why did I waste money on the photo then?"

#wear a carnation next time

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