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Sunday, 20 October 2013

The Man with the 10 Stone Testicles - and other stories....

What is our fascination with other people's unfortunate bodily disfigurements?  I assume it is because it makes us feel better about our man boobs or our stretch marks.

I don't follow series such as 'Embarrassing Bodies' but I have been tempted to watch other documentaries recently with some interesting case studies of such people.

One that I was tempted to watch (but didn't) was the man with the 10 stone testicles.  I saw the trailers (unfortunate turn of phrase) and that was enough to put me off.  Can you imagine that weight in your 'y' fronts! At least you wouldn't have to worry about not getting a seat somewhere when you have a built in couch!

Are his testicles that size on account of his sperm count!  If they are, he could populate China with his left one and North America with his right! His local sperm bank would be laughing - although in the future there may be a few children of single mothers in the local playground with protruding foreheads and eyes too close together. Imagine the speed of ejaculation!   Talk about a tsunami...  Depending on his sexual persuasion he could be used by the NHS for colonic irrigations!

One can't help but try and figure out how he has sex.  He couldn't go on top, could he?  His partner would have to go on top and I cannot help but liken this to shagging the handle on a tandem space hopper.....

This reminds me of a guy I dated last Christmas.  Until this documentary I had never seen such a large scrotum.  Without going into too much detail, in a certain position I could look down and imagine I had poo'ed a haggis.  Most off putting but kind of comfortable when you need to take the weight off....

Back to more amazing medical phenomena...

  Another interesting documentary was about an American man in his 50's who had developed a 45 degree 'kink' in his penis.  I didn't watch it from start to finish, but apparently his wife had left him because she didn't like the direction their sex life was going in....

Closer to home, I was fascinated by the story of a woman that has over 30 orgasms a day (without foreplay!).  What if you worked at the check out at Tesco and half way through a transaction... blip....aah.....blip......aaaaah.......blip.........AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....Would you like any cash back today madam?' This affliction would be awful for me as I don't know if I am coming or going most days as it is....

Then there was the 'Tree Man' who had unsightly bark like growths all over his body.  They asked him how old he was and how long he had suffered with this affliction, but he seemed unable to answer the question. Not to worry an autopsy after his death could determine the number of rings..... But there was a happy ending to the story because he said that after a very nomadic life up to that point, he was now able to put down roots....

Finally, going back to the man with the 10 stone testicles.  It turned out that his problem was not as bad as first thought as medical experts realised he was wearing jockey shorts and using keyhole surgery were able to remove Frankie Dettori from within.....# take the weight off


© Claire Pryce and Pushing 50 in a 40 Zone, October 2013 to date.

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3 comments:

  1. Too funny! Next we will be pushing to get your standup career started. :)

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  2. Not a bl**dy chance!! Far happier hiding behind my laptop ;) xx

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  3. there's a pattern emerging.....

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