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Friday, 13 December 2013

'Twas the Night Before Christmas.....and Santa gets naughty'

I have been in festive cheer the last couple of days; having fun re-writing the age old classic 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.'

I have kept all the rhyming words the same, but changed up the story - just a bit!!! Enjoy HO HO HO

'Twas the Night Before Christmas.....and Santa gets naughty'


‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Running amok was an oversized mouse.
In spite of the traps that had been set with such care,
He was dining out on the hearth with the pies he found there.

The children were snuggled up tight in their beds,
With visions of iphones and PS4’s in their heads.
Their mother was decked out in a nurse's apron and cap,
While their dad – unawares – took a quick evening nap.

As she fetched out the handcuffs, she tried not to clatter,
Lest the children awake and ask ‘What’s the matter?’
Her husband; awoken by a low distant clash,
Scratched at his balls and went for a slash.

Excited by Christmas, presents and snow,
He started to feel some slight stirrings below.
He thought he was dreaming when a nurse did appear,
And handed him some leather and asked him ‘rein, Dear?’

He grabbed at the strap and ran back upstairs quick,
And got himself dressed up as good old St. Nic.
After 5 minutes of foreplay he very near came,
And insisted that Nursie ‘Call me by name!’

"Come Dashing, come Dancer, come now my big Vixen,
“Ooh Comet, aah Cupid, mmm my horny young Blitzen;”
At the top of the stairs, against the tiled kitchen wall,
"Give it to me! Give it to me!  I want it all!"

Apron, cap and white beard soon did fly,
As unknown to the rompers, Santa appeared in the sky.
Baubles and tinsel around the room flew,
And the mouse on the hearth got a good tossing too.

And then in a twinkling, they heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
Hubbie withdrew and was turning around,
When from down the chimney Santa came with a bound.

He rose to his feet and saw what was afoot,
And smiled a big grin while brushing off soot.
Within minutes he had shed all the clothes on his back,
Revealing to all his impressive front pack.

From his ample appendage he hung a big wreath,
Which Nursie began to remove with her teeth.
He enjoyed her attentions as she sat on his belly,
And demanded they bring him a big tube of ‘jelly’.

They all shared enjoyments and made Christmas Merry,
 With Nursie allowing Santa a taste of her cherry.
Presents like this you can’t tie up with a bow,
And they happen so seldom – a little bit like Snow.

“Come back to Lapland Nursie as an honorary Elf,
For you pleasure me better than I can do myself.”
Nursie was flattered that she gave such good head,
A bedroom activity that she normally would dread.

“Well it is probably time I got back to work”
Slinging his sack on his back in a single smooth jerk.
Then back up the chimney Santa Claus rose,
With a gesture beforehand of a tap on his nose.

He soared through the sky with a HO HO and a whistle,
Creating a long trail of stars like down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight —
Happy Christmas to all, and to Nursie – good night!



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